12/7/21 #3

Response:

While ASMR is not everyone’s cup of tea, you certainly aren’t hurting anyone by posting those videos on YouTube. If people find it to be entertaining or helpful, what’s the big deal? What is it that he doesn’t find ‘respectable’ about it? It sounds more like a generational thing than anything else. I would try to explain it to him again and even have him watch one of your shows. If he still finds it completely creepy and weird (some people do!) then just tell him that this is your thing and he doesn’t need to be involved in any way. His personal feelings, however, don’t give him the right to tell you what to do or how you should make a living. Everyone is always so quick to judge others but in all honesty if this is the worst thing that he can dig up on you online, I would say you are in a pretty good shape. Instead, he should work on cultivating a healthy, loving relationship, one in which he embraces and respects who you are. If he can’t do that, tell him in a soothing whisper, to get out and stay out.

Dear friend,

Thank you for sharing your problem with me. I truly understand your situation. Sometimes this kind of situation is tough to solve. I agree with both of you. For him, It isn't easy to understand because he doesn’t know. So maybe the best way is to educate him on this topic. Show him some research and study about ASMR, or he can try some of the other people’s videos to release his stress. I think you should try to explain the fact.

For you, all that matters is what you believe. You know this is a real thing to help people relax, and this is what you want to do. There is nothing to ashamed. You are a content maker. That’s it. So, don’t put pressure on yourself because of someone’s thoughts. After explaining enough to him, if he still doesn’t understand you, maybe it is time to give up on him. Love is all about supporting each other. I hope you will find a way on your own. You are a passionate and lovely woman. You deserve what you want.

Sincerely,

Dear Natalie

Based on what you said, it sounds like he is trying to change based on what he wants you to be, not yourself. Normally that is a a big barrier for couples, one that should be discussed as early as possible so it does not prolong any unnecessary feeling.

ASMR is a new trend and depending on your boyfriend's age, it might be something that his generation does not comprehend. Older generations already have higher resistance to jobs that are not the usual 9-5 office ones. Also, for somebody to suddenly see yourself working as whispering to random people online sounds a bit concerning, maybe even in a sexual way.

Try understanding more of why he does not appreciate you doing that, and based on his answer/reaction, you can decide on what to do next.

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend recently discovered that I have a webcam show online that I host to make money. It’s whisper therapy known as 'autonomous sensory meridian response' (ASMR). Basically, it means I talk in a soothing, calming voice to help people relax. My show is very popular and I’ve started making a little money from it. Well, he found out about it the other night when he was over and asked me what video work I was editing. He got completely weirded out by it. I told him it is non-sexual and helps people deal with their stress. I have helped insomniacs sleep and people with anxiety feel better! Plus, I enjoy it and it could prove to be lucrative for me. He said it wasn’t “respectable” for me to do this for a living. I also work as a freelance photographer and part-time at a restaurant. I told him that I’m a good person. I just don’t think he understands. He’s much older than me and sometimes acts more like a father than a boyfriend. What should I do? He wants me to stop the show because he says I’m “embarrassing him and myself.” But I really enjoy it! Thoughts?